I Can’t Breathe

I can’t breathe 

I can’t breathe 

I haven’t been able to breathe since I was born 

When society decided the melanin in my skin was not something to be uplifted but a tragedy to be mourned 

I’m still struggling to breathe 

Because even though my people were the ones to build this country from the ground up 

“Our country” is the first one to tear us down and crush us down to dust 

The dust that’s making it harder to breathe 

Ever since I can remember, beauty has always been straight hair, thin, and white, white and more white 

Six-years-old me looking at Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White 

Trying to hold back my tears and tryin’ to breathe with all my might 

‘Cause I thought I had to be corrected, thinking that that was beautiful, me needing to be made right 

At six years old I couldn’t breathe 

My mother told me a black woman's hair is her jewel 

It’s wonderful, gorgeous, and can be used as a powerful tool 

But when my white friends would skip me on the traditional braiding each other’s hair 

I would run my hands through my coarse hair and not care 

Not care about my Angela Davis Afro 

Or my Queen of Sheba braids down my back 

I thought I wanted to straighten my hair "I hated being black" 

Society was tricking me making me think my hair was weighing me down, tellin’ me “stop breathing. Don’t breathe" 

And then sitting in class listening to slavery and segregation 

Because no one likes to tell us that we were Kings and Queens before then 

My teacher expects me to know everything and nothing at the same time 

I can’t think. I can’t be heard. I can’t breathe 

And not only am I black, I’m too black. Too dark to be seen 

but dark enough to seem suspicious. 

Just cause I can’t be seen in the light 

Doesn’t mean I’m the symbol of evil or I’m the one that got in a fight 

The darker the berry the sweeter the juice 

Drink it and maybe then I can take my first breath, maybe then I can actually move 

Finally, I try to catch my breath, make a peep, or even just a sound 

But y’all wanna act like I just beat you senselessly 

Threw you in some river, to watch you drown 

When that’s exactly what they did to me, did to us 

Because when you chain up human beings like animals, ship them like cargo and strip them down naked who wouldn’t make a fuss? 

They were forced to decide that death was better than bondage. 

They couldn’t breathe and neither can I. 

My ancestors didn’t fight so hard and long so that we can choose not to kneel because our story isn’t told in “our” country’s song 

Speaking of kneeling 

Speaking of fighting 

Speaking of breathing 

I don’t want a knee on my neck 

I don’t want a gun held to my back 

I don’t want to be hunted down like deer 

I don’t want to live in fear 

I don’t wanna be another hashtag 

I don’t wanna be a trend 

Because all trends end 

Mr. Floyd, Ms. Taylor, and Mr. Arbery, your lives will be remembered forever 

Though tears will never stop being shed over your deaths, you have brought everyone together. 

For better or for worse, we’re starting to make some noise, a lot of noise 

Maybe justice will be served, maybe all lives WILL matter 

And maybe, just maybe I can finally start to breathe